Apple Crumble

Diet food sucks balls.

That’s the general consensus anyway.

At the moment, healthy food is as fashionable as Givenchy and I’m here to show you that it is possible to satisfy your hunger with a dessert that’s not a cavity-inducing pile of crap. Not that there’s anything wrong with stuffing your face full of sugar – sometimes we need it. Just don’t make it a regular thing. Your teeth with thank you.


Apple crumble is like a sexy man with a beard who wants to hug you. It’s comforting and warming. It’s easy on the eyes and it would look even better drizzled with custard. The beard part is there because I like beards. Your apple crumble man doesn’t have to have facial hair.

Once you get a taste of sexy bearded man, you can’t really stop. But you don’t have to! This man is good for you! Your mother loves him! He’s open to your suggestions of cream or vanilla yoghurt to spice things up even further – you won’t look back!


Remember this is a metaphor for apple crumble, but you could probably attract sexy bearded men with this recipe. You want it, I can tell.

Get the recipe on Moustache Magazine here.